Mia Bautista; ASPIRANT TRUE BLUE && PLAID SKIRTS ALL THE WAY
♥ LIFE! Food, Theater, Softball && Communications
COLLEGE SOPHOMORE; QC
Rant blog is rant. Just sayin' ya'll! PEACE OUT!
Bandaids
[] Dean's Lister
[] Own legit school jacket
[] Audition for a role I want
[] Get the role
[X] Get an A in (at least) one subject : PE 1st year/2nd sem =))
[] Take a culinary class
[X] let *ano* and *ehem* know I exist and befriend them :">
[] Travel the world ♥
[] Slap someone
[] Throw a glass of liquid in someone's face
[] Do a confrontation without tears
[] Stay awake for 24 hours straight
[/] Watch a play/movie alone
[] Have a LOTR movie marathon
[] Have a HP movie marathon
[] BAKE a cake/cupcake/pastry
[] Have a movie marathon at a sleep over in someone's house
[] find purpose in life
[] find SOMEONE worth it
[X] Get a job while still in school
[] Have a random exhilarating adventure with someone
[] Get to sing for a band
[] Write a story
[] Write a script
[] Direct a video/documentary
[] Get my work published
[] Learn to play an instrument
[] Learn to dance
[] Look good in braces
[] Shave half of my head
[] Get another piercing
[] Get inked
[] Get a driver's license
I realize that I'm crying over something I've known for the most part of my life. I'm being overly dramatic and emotional again. Christ.
Watching Unofficially Yours, yes, it's the movie where John Lloyd and Angel Locsin go have sex, eventually fall in love and all drama complications and drama in between. Anyway, while watching it, I felt that at some point, this was either the story of my life or that I was Angel Locsin's character eliminating the "I have pre-marital sex with people" part. Seriously, the lines both JL and Angel delivered, I've heard them all before. I've said them before too. I've cried those tears. I was in that position too. It was like watching my life on the screen. It was so unnerving.
I feel stupid, confused, unstable. I laugh at myself for feeling this way after being with you.
Naisip ko lang na sana hindi na lang pala ako nagtanong, sana pinabayaan ko na lang. Mukha naman kasi tayong walang direksyon. Sa palagay ko hindi naman natin alam kung anong ginagawa natin, wala tayong plano. Umaayon na lang tayo sa mga pagkakataon. Sana hindi na lang ako nagsalita para hindi magulo ngayon. Diyos ko. Tanga din ako minsan eh. Kairita.
Iniisip ko ngayon kung talaga bang kilala mo ko, kung ako ba talaga yang hinahanap mo pero alam ko na yung sagot simula pa lang.
There's nothing confusing about us being together, or so I thought.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 @ 11:13 PM
We've been going out for a few weeks now and for some reason, I'm happy that I get to spend time with you. I never thought we'd be this way again after that long time of no solid communication whatsoever.
I'm so amazed by the fact that its like nothing has changed and no time has passed. Of course, there's the reality that in the time that we weren't talking things have happened but still we're the same two people as we were when we first met.
There's nothing confusing about us being together.
Other than the fact that I reestablish another friendship that was somehow lost along the way, I get to be someone of essence and intelligence. Someone different from the norm that exudes individualism.
I can be anyone with you without the risk of being judged, whatever happens I know you'd accept me the way I've been accepting you despite the things that you've done and are doing. I can talk to you about anything and not be laughed at or thought of as anything negative because you are beyond that immature and naive train of thought. You almost always have an answer for everything even if its illogical or just plain random or stupid, you make me laugh and when I'm with you, it's always an adventure.
We're friends but then it's not enough to express what you are to me. I could even consider you as one of my best friends but of course, proclaiming that to you has its drawbacks so I'll just keep it to myself until the right time comes or you yourself proclaim it first.
At first I thought you were just messing with me, killing time as you were bored with your life. Then there I was, this object that was new and entertaining that presented itself right at your feet that you could so easily toy with. After the numerous instances we've hung out and our continuous daily conversations, I've thought otherwise of your intentions towards this unexpected reunion of sorts.
Until now I thought I was wrong about you and your intentions but as of the moment you've proven me right. You were just finding an escape to your whatever you call it lifestyle. Thank you for telling me the truth though, at least to you I was worth it.
I don't know what to feel right now. I really don't.
SEMI HELL WEEK
Tuesday, February 21, 2012 @ 4:46 PM
As you have noticed, I haven't updated my blog in a while. I haven't abandoned it, I just lack time. I've been so busy with school and family that Christ, I'm cramming once again.
On a side note, I have a new mantra for the last two months of my freshman year of college.
"As effort approaches infinity, your limit does not exist."
Therefore, I shall do my best in conquering the challenge that is hell week. Thank you. Pray for my salvation.
Tied up words 2.1
Friday, February 10, 2012 @ 9:19 PM
Sometimes, it's just all in the mind.
~ ~ ~
After wallowing in pain, anger and self-pity it's gets easier.
Basically, all you have to do is accept the situation, get over it, move on and start again.
~ ~ ~
"Closure is a right that every individual from a broken relationship should have. Now, it's reduced to a privilege given only to people mature enough to realize the need for it and the guts to push through with it."
Fuck my life, just fuck it.
@ 9:05 PM
You know what, just fuck everything. Fuck it all. The one time I was irresponsible, I lost my org shirt worth 250 pesos and my Math/Chem/Fil12 notebook. Not to mention my blue book, my math homework and reading are all inserted in that fucking huge ass black binder notebook of mine.
This was supposed to be an awesome week. I was supposed to be relaxed and have a heck of a time but nooo, I just had to ruin my own mood. Kill me now. Christ.
The three day weekend in Palawan, the completion of requirements for English and D&P Fireflies, 4-day weekend and lots of other simple things that made me really really happy are now down the drain just because of A STUPID MATH BINDER NOTEBOOK THAT IS LOST. GREAT.
I just wanna cry right now and I keep on praying to God that he'd help me find it. But then Dad just had to enlighten me by saying that "This is God's way of telling you that you are such an irresponsible and messy person. Suffer the consequences of his punishment." He said it something like that. Point is, of course, God hates me so he wants to punish me. Okay. Cool. Minus points to faith and belief in God then. I'll just call unto Buddah or Allah or Zeus for all I care.
I'm so angry and frustrated right now. I feel so stupid and useless and undependable. I want to jump off a cliff.
---
Funny how a simple thing like losing an item you take for granted makes your whole world stop. Total chaos happens and your life is ruined.
I don't want to believe that this is my fault but I know it is. Its MY notebook therefore, my responsibility. MY room therefore, my territory.
All I can do now is rest, try to look for it again tomorrow and if all else fails. Give up by moving on. The notebook and the things in it are replaceable. After first year, I won't need them anymore so for the next few weeks, I have to live with myself and vow to be always responsible.
But that still doesn't change the fact that I hate my life and myself right now.
Teaser post. :)
Sunday, February 5, 2012 @ 6:40 PM
Hello hello from the lovely island resort of Dos Palmas in the province of Palawan!!!!! :)
This has been the best vacation ever, belated happy birthday to my brother, Red! If not for you, we wouldn't be celebrating here in the middle of second semester. Hihihi.
Well, this sucks. I can't upload a photo from the photo library of the iPad. Damnit. :(
Oh well, pictures when we get back from paradise!
The food here is beyond words. There are also so many beautiful flowers that I believe my botany teacher would just die of excitement. It's just, feeling here is so relaxing! Its like you have no problems at all. Did I mention we went snorkling and ate lunch on a sand bar island! The whole experience is fantastic minus the fucked up plane ride here, I actually thought I was gonna die. :/
Anyway, that's all for now, the wifi is dying. Haha. Byeee.
TEEHEE
Friday, February 3, 2012 @ 8:43 PM
This was going to be my first post for the new year but you know how life is, it's so unpredictable. :))
Btw, with me are my dad and little sister. ENJOY! :D
P.S. I don't get why there's a weird screen shot picture with this video. I don't know how to delete it. FML. Oh well. :-j
